“Therapy” Thursdays…Addicted!

Hey Dr. Dee,

I have met the man of my dreams. He is supportive, attentive and loving. I believe that he may be “The One”. Here’s the problem.  Even though this is the “man of my dreams” I have been sleeping with this random dude for about a month now.  For some reason no matter who I date, I always have someone on the side.  This time I really tried to be right.  I avoided any and all situations that may have lead to me cheating.  I was doing just fine til a month ago I met this cute guy at the gym. We got to rapping and that’s how it happened but once we “do the do”, I feel all kinds of guilt about it.  It’s like I’m powerless when it comes to sex and I go back to my Boo with all kinds of guilty feelings.  No matter how guilty I feel I can’t seem to stop myself, I’m beginning to think I’m a sex addict or something.  What can I do to stop this? I love my man and I don’t want to lose him over this.

Help,
Addicted in ATL

ATL,

There are a few things I want you to think about:

A.)   Is the current guy you’re dating really the “man of your dreams”?  It seems to me that if he was such a gift; you would be more appreciative of him.  Are you all having issues?  What are you running from?  Sit down and ask yourself these questions and determine if the “man of your dreams” is really just a safety net.  Sometimes we date folks just because it’s safe not because we are in love. The man of your dreams should make your heart flutter when he enters a room. Does he do that?  If not, leave this man alone before you screw him up so bad that he is incapable of giving another woman his whole heart ever again. “Once a good man gone bad, He’s gone forever”. Then the new woman is forced to deal with all the baggage you left behind.

B.)    Are you a commitment-phobe?  One of the reasons that people cheat is because they are afraid to be cheated on. Since you have a history of “serial-cheating”, I have to wonder if you are afraid of commitment. Do you feel trapped or pressured by this situation?  Are you purposely sabotaging this relationship because you afraid to go any further in it?  If you said yes to these questions you may be commitment phobic and your fear of relationships is costing you happiness. You may want to take the necessary steps to break your pattern, remeber there are “3 C’s of life”: choices, chances, and changes. You must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change.

C.)    There is one other thing you might want to consider and that is, are you addicted to sex?  Ask yourself:  Have you ever put yourself in danger in order to have sex?  Have you ever put your job in jeopardy?  Or family?  If you answered yes to any of these questions an issue may exist. You may be addicted to sex, commitment-phobic or a combination of both, at this point what you really need to do is sit down with a good counselor and figure it out.

Rooting for you,

Dr. Dee

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