“Therapy” Thursdays…Far and Few
Hello Dr Dee,
I met this guy in February.. I really enjoy his company!
However his company is far and few in-between (I see him maybe once or twice a month). He is currently in school getting his barbering license and also in the process of opening a barber shop with his brother, he also has a 5 year old daughter (and he is very hands on with her… which I love).
We live about 30-35 mins from each other…When we are in each other’s presence I am the happiest women in the world, he is full of compliments, good conversation and extremely attentive. When we are apart I miss him terribly… and that creates arguments. Reason being is I think he could put forth a little more effort in us seeing one another… and his argument is he is doing his best to juggle everything on his plate…
He has made it very clear that his schedule will continue to be this way until Feb 2012 and has asked me to be patient. My issue is I spent 6 years in a relationship that ended on a sour note… And I vowed that I would not dedicate that much time to another relationship if I felt it was not productive. I don’t wanna add the pressure to our friendship but at the same time I am ready for a monogamous relationship
Do you think I am being impatient? Should I not expect more time? Am I being unrealistic?
Far and Few in-between
First of all, thanks for writing in to Therapy Thursdays. You are greatly appreciated.
When I first read this I immediately thought: he’s married. And did he give her that 2012 date because that’s when his divorce proceedings will be finalized? But, I want don’t want to be cynical about this situation, because that may not be the case. Men are not emotional creatures; they prefer to keep their real feelings locked away in a vault for fear of appearing vulnerable or weak. At times it can be difficult to decipher a man’s true feelings and typically this leaves women wondering if they are really into you. But, if they are, you’ll know it. Here are a few things I want you to consider.
a.) Does he fit you into his schedule? If a man is really into you, he will make time for you. Men typically will not go out of their way for just anyone. Their time is precious and their options are plentiful. If he’s into you, he’ll take the time out to show you that you. You will be a choice he choose to make and not just a constellation prize.
b.) Is it just a booty-call? Are you guys just hooking up once or twice a month physically? Or is he genuinely dating you? Sex is a natural way to express deep affection you may have for someone. But, if every time you hook-up there’s a bedroom involved and not much else you may want to avoid making any long-term plans with this man.
c.) Does he let you in? During the time spent with him, are you guys sharing intimate details with one another about life and the future? February til now is a nice amount of time to have spent with someone. What do you know about this man so far? Does he discuss long term plans with you? If so, are you included in them?
Do I think you are being impatient? Should you expect more time? Are you being unrealistic? Only you can answer these questions. But, what I will say is you have to be more realistic in your expectations. If that man is truly busy, then he is truly busy. It does sound like he has a lot going on and that’s a good thing. The excuse that you guys live 30 minutes away from each other is just that, an excuse. If that man wants to spend time with you he will. But giving him ultimatums or placing demands on his time will only push him away. The time spent with one another should be enjoyable not a chore. And while you are waiting to spend some time with him, why don’t you spend some time with yourself. Start by focusing on ways to better yourself, so that if he does get it together you will be ready for him. Try hitting the gym or picking up a hobby you have always wanted to try. And who knows once you take the focus off him maybe you’ll realize that this situation is not for you and walk away from it. Or you’ll get so busy with “you” that you will not be available to spend time with him anyway. Either way checking in with your star player “you” should always be your first priority, everything is secondary.
Rooting for you,